CPC Report; An unabashedly liberal perspective

 1 April 2010- Rachel Maddow's Birthday & April Fools Day

Conservative, n:  A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.  ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

So Much Ado About Nothing- How the Right Went Wrong

It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. William Shakespeare, MacBeth

"The dog days of summer are upon us and politically the climate has been extremely hot. We are inundated with birthers, deathers, tea baggers, and the odd assortment of wonky wackos, all of which are from the extreme right. The rhetoric on talk radio and Fox News is boiling hot and along with heated rhetoric of conservative Republican politicians, are enabling these extremists. Town Halls held by Democratic Senators and Representatives have been disrupted by a few and often through their uncivil actions have made impossible any chance of a civil discussion of health care reform, the heated topic on hand at this time. Frequently patriotic songs were sung by those disruptors of the town meetings which were extremely disrespectful towards those who were denied any opportunity to question their representative. 

Often one sees a picture of President Barack Obama with a Hitler-like mustache or adorned with swastikas in rallies outside the buildings housing the town meetings. Men have shown up at the rallies outside the town meetings held by the President armed. In a town meeting sponsored by Representative Barney Frank, a woman confronted him about alleged death panels and brought up Nazi imagery in describing her opposition to that which has not been proposed in any legislation in Congress- those Nazi-like death panels. Ironically, President Obama is an African American and Barney Frank is an Jewish American. By Nazi standards, Blacks and Jews are considered subhuman. She and other protesters have failed to see the irony in that. The dog days of summer are indeed upon us."


The above was written last August and very much is applicable today. With the passage of time nothing seems to have changed since then or as Yogi Berra once said, "It's deja vu all over again." Since then handicapped have been heckled- it was a woman at a town hall meeting last year and more recently, similar treatment was dealt out a lame man with Parkinson's disease in Ohio. There are other examples as well. The angry crowds still gather whenever summoned.

Angry about failing to defeat health care reform in Congress, members of the GOP in Congress have threaten to  take their marbles and go home. Now they have lost their marbles and along with the RWLM, who never had any to begin with, they have gone berserk
. Fox news and Rush of the RWLM are spewing their usual venom on the airways. The teabaggers are running amuck looking to party.

This is Gretchen Wilson of Fox's
idea of a party. Like a pre-teenager  at a birthday party acting out by smashing the birthday cake, teabaggers are throwing bricks through windows of Congressional offices and local Democratic headquarters after being encouraged by blogger Mike Vander­boegh, 57 of Pinson, Alabama. Mr. Vander­boegh is a former militia leader. Obscene and threatening phone calls are made to Democratic Congressmen, such as John Lewis and Bart Stupak. On the grounds of the U.S. Capital, black representatives were called niggers, such as John Lewis. Representative Barney Frank of Massachusetts was called a fagot. Representative Emanuel Cleaver of Missouri was spat upon. It is no big deal says Gretchen Wilson. It is just a party.

Mr. Vanderboegh's
blog espouses a "strict constructionist, libertarian point of view". He obviously takes his libertarian views to an extreme by encouraging its readers to throw bricks at the windows of Democratic headquarters across the country." He takes pride in his work; proudly taking credit for the brick thrown through the window of the Dem­ocratic Committee headquar­ters in Rochester, New York. Wrapped around that brick was a note. Written on the note was a famous quote of Barry Goldwater-  "Ex­tremism in defense of liberty is no vice."

"I guess that guy's one of ours," said blogger Mike Vander­boegh, when informed of that quote. "Glad to know people read my blog." Ironically, his desire to be free of government does not seem to deter him from receiving Social Se­curity Disability benefits. (He gets around using a cane.) Other bricks also broke other local Democratic headquarters, such as the one in Wichita, Kansas. “There’s glass everywhere,” said Lyndsay Stauble, who is the executive director of the Sedgwick County Democratic Party. “A brick took out the whole floor-to-ceiling window and put a gouge in my desk.” Also hit was Democratic Representative Louise Slaughter's district office in Niagara Falls early Friday, but that was before Mr. Vander­boegh posted his pro brick-throwing blog.

Mr. Vanderboegh rationalizes his conduct as a patriotic way
of grabbing the attention of Democrats in order to prevent the country from breaking out into another civil war. "If it takes a few bricks and broken windows for people to understand how close we are to widespread violence in this country," he said, "then the bricks in the windows will have been worth it." Yet, one would have to wonder how he would feel if someone threw a brick threw a window of his home and rationalized doing so in the similar terms he had used.

In Charlottesville, Virginia a tea party activists mistakenly posts online the home address of Representative Tom Perriello's brother rather than the intended address of the congressman. Shortly thereafter, the propane line leading to a grill at the posted address was cut. Representative Perriello also revealed that a threatening letter was sent to his brother's home.

John Boehner of Ohio, the Republican minority leader in the House, has spoken out against the craziness and violence, but this was after he had said in an interview with National Review  that if Representative Steve Driehaus, also of Ohio, voted for the health care bill he would be a "dead man". But does he understand the violent imagery he used might have a stimulative effect on an unstable mind? It is doubtful. Republican Eric Cantor minority whip argues that the Democrats want it this way for political gain. The truth of the matter seems to be that it is the Republicans who are seeking political gain out of this chaos in which they along with the health insurance industry and the RWLM have created through the spread of distorted versions of the truth. Government ran death panels, based upon the concept of living wills, is one of those distortions, when the reality was that the real death panels to be feared were being ran by health insurance corporations.

There is Congresswoman Michele Bachman of Minnesota urging her constituents from overseas to be armed and dangerous. And there is the half term ex-governor Susan Palin at a rally at Searchlight, Nevada. She is defending her map placed online of the U.S. with cross hairs placed upon selected congressional districts represented by Democrats who voted for health care reform. Lock and reload says she, but don't take that seriously. "Don't retreat, just reload." I mean that only metaphorically. The media is just lying about me trying to encourage violence. Senator John McCain (R-Arizona) seems to agree with assessment. Missing the point, both of them fail to understand the unintended consequences of those words spewed out. That belle from Minnesota does not understand this either. Could some wacko not understanding the nature of the  metaphor, might actually take violent action against one of the targeted congressmen. This, of course, would buttress Glen Beck's contention that Democrats are really asking for it.

Glenn Beck of Fox News is on hand to clarify the situation by pointing out that Democratic congressmen are encouraging the threats made against their lives. They want to be shot, says he.
When he joked about the House Speaker Nancy Pelosi being poisoned last year, does he likewise believed that she want's to be poisoned. Would he blame any one of the Democratic congressmen for their own death if one of them should happen to get killed. He seems not to understand how his words can influence others into taking action. For example last year on Fox News his ranting about FEMA camps holding political prisoners inspired a mother of two to show armed and dangerous outside a National Guard Air Force base. She had believed that it was one of those FEMA camps. It was there where she was arrested.

Carmen Mercer of some Minute Men organization tells the members to rally at the Mexican- Arizonian border to protest the unsecured border. They were told to show up locked, loaded and ready. When many of the members showed up
locked, loaded and ready, she was reportedly alarmed. She had not expected to be taken literally. Concerned that a wacko might not comprehend a metaphor or even know what one is, she convened the board of directors and disbanded their organization. She came to understand the possible bad consequences of her own words, as opposed to Senator McCain, ex-Governor Palin and even House Minority Leader John Boehner and the House Minority Whip Eric Cantor, who apparently do not. She is now able to comprehend how mere metaphors might unintentionally be taken seriously. The irresponsible leaders of the Republican Party, Michelle Bachman, Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin who do not seem to comprehend this, should pay heed to Proverbs 11:29. "He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind; and the fool shall be servant to the wise."

P.S. After the above had been written, a man had been arrested for threatening to kill Senator Patty Murray of Washington. According to his mother, he was  a big fan of Fox News. Another man has been arrested for numerous threats made against House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Yes Sarah, words do matter and could  inspire others to resort to violence. Glenn Beck, Eric Cantor- do you really believe that Senator Murray and Representative Pelosi want to be assassinated? And would you want to share a similar fate?


The Dementia of Orrin Hatch

SENATOR HATCH BELIEVED TO BE MENTALLY INCAPACITATED

BY GLYNN BRAMAN  Associated Press

Republican Senator Orrin Hatch (Utah) is reported by Congressional sources and sources in the Cato Institute,to have the onset of some form of dementia. Rumors of this begun after Rachel Maddow, in her televised broadcast on the MSNBC news channel, pointed out a contradiction between two statements made by Senator Hatch. The first statement was regarding the Democratic Senatorial majority's intention to use the reconciliation process to enact legislation for health care reform. The second statement, in sharp contrast to the first, was in support of the use of the same process to enact the Bush tax cuts back in the fist term of George W. Bush. The contradictions between the two statements were clearly shown on video. An former member of his congressional staff, Ms. Avril Foley-Dey, has denied that Senator Hatch ever lies. "He is a very religious and principled man who just does not lie." When pressed on the matter further, she admitted that he sometimes gets confused.

After Ms. Maddow's broadcast was aired, Senator Hatch twittered Ms. Maddow and is on the record of stating that he "wore Ms. Maddow's criticism as a badge of honor". Since Ms. Maddow is on record of calling him a liar and a hypocrite in her televised broadcast, questions have been raised on what Senator Hatch meant by calling his behavior "a badge of honor", especially since he made no attempt to deny the charges made by Ms. Maddow. The lack of a denial seems to be conformation of Ms. Maddow's honesty, according to another former member of his staff. "As a result of his condition, the Senator gets confused. He believes that the bible teaches us to bear false witness to the truth."

Similar concerns were raised earlier after remarks he made on the Prescription Drug Plan under former President George W. Bush which was passed by Congress without adequate funding being made available. His remarks were made after it was pointed out to him that he had voted for this drug plan which added to the federal deficit. This was done in response to his criticism of the current deficits. He was heard to have said that he did not know that the drug plan had to be paid for. His apparent lack of knowledge of Congressional responsibility in allocating funds for federal programs such as the drug plan has led to concerns about his mental fitness to continue as a Senator from Utah.

Dr. Patrick Mack Murphy of the Cato Institute of Abnormal Behavior, although refusing to comment on Senator Hatch directly, stated that memory problems and mental confusion are symptoms of dementia. An anonymous source from the Cato Institute has also confirmed the Senators dementia. When asked why he did not want his name used in the reporting of this news story, he expressed fear of Mormon agents. "As you know, Hatch is a Mormon and the Mormons are known to take care of their own. Rachel Maddow better watch her back. There is a reason why agents of the Mormon Church travel in pairs." He refused to elaborate further.

Senator Hatch's recent embrace of both lying and being hypercritical has raised concerns, given his age. He has recently turned 75.



       Where are ya'll from, BITCH!!!
 How Not to Write Like Professor Cohen- Prepositional ending sentences & Prescriptive grammar

There is a story about Winston Churchill which has survived in many forms, one of which is about a copy editor* who had nerve to correct the prose of Winston Churchill, by rewriting one of his sentences in order to move a preposition from the end of the sentence to somewhere else in the sentence. Reportedly, Churchill responded by saying "This is the impertinence with which I will not put." Safire would argue that this sentence would be written better as "I will not put up with this impertinence" as opposed to the syntax Churchill originally was said to choose, " This is the impertinence I will not put up with." The latter form is clear in its meaning and does not sound the least awkward and therefore is just as good as that one preferred by Safire.

However, in How not to Write, chapter 49, Safire does allow the preposition ending a sentence unlike the more stricter grammarians would. "She was the girl I always dream of" is an example that has William Safire's seal of approval. To him, in spite of the preposition bringing up the rear of the sentence as its caboose, this sentence "comes more comfortably to the tongue" than its alternative "She was the girl about whom I always dream." Perception is very important for language. If the style is perceived as lively, it would tend to capture the readers attention more than a sentence confined to a straight jacket by the grammarian gestapo. Why he could not apply the same to Churchill's grammar is somewhat puzzling.

It is believed that John Dryden, the 17th-century poet and dramatist, was the first to proclaim the prohibition of prepositions at the end of sentences. After all, he argued, this is not done in Latin. Grammarians of the 18th century have elevated this rule, venerated it and imposed it upon the grammar that the 18th century schoolchildren had to learn and likewise upon those schoolchildren of successive centuries as well. Yet, sentences ending with prepositions can be found throughout the works of the greatest writers of the English Language since the Renaissance. Why should one man be allowed to prohibit this practice and impose his will on the rest of us? Shakespeare, who lived Dryden, certainly had no qualms about prepositional placement. Mark Anthony in Julius Caesar, Act 3, Scene 2 was given these line- "I only speak right on." A sentence with a preposition misplaced. Needless to say, Dryden possessed a very low opinion of Shakespeare as a writer.

It is often the case that a preposition is virtually glued onto the end of a verb. Examples of this are;   On this matter, Linguist Roger Fowler writes;

"Those who lay down the universal principle that final prepositions are 'inelegant' are unconsciously trying to deprive the English language of a valuable idiomatic resource, which has been used freely by all our greatest writers except those whose instinct for English idiom has been overpowered by notions of correctness derived from Latin standards."

Fowler is quite correct. Harvard English professor Jim Engell concurs;

"The rule on not ending a sentence with a preposition? 'Right on!' as one character says in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. It's a silly rule. Yet, we should also note that while Dryden is the putative source of this poor rule, he did do a great deal to shape modern English, and his own prose style is in a wonderfully semi-formal yet often conversational form."

An example of how absurd this absurd rule can be is illustrated  with this sentence; "Dryden is someone everybody looks up to." By applying Dryden's rule, this sentence is transformed into; "Dryden is someone up to whom everybody looks." Considering no one actually speaks like this, the absurdity of this sentence has rendered it almost incoherent.

On the internet, Grammar Girl aka Mignon Fogarty wrote an essay entitled Ending a Sentence With a Preposition. What follows is an excerpt.

Here's an example of a sentence that can end with a preposition: What did you step on? A key point is that the sentence doesn't work if you leave off the preposition. You can't say, "What did you step?" makes a grammatical sentence. 

"I can hear some of you gnashing your teeth right now, while you think, “What about saying, 'On what did you step?'” But really, have you ever heard anyone talk that way? I've read long, contorted arguments from noted grammarians about why it's OK to end sentences with prepositions when the preposition isn't extraneous, but the driving point still seems to be, “Nobody in their right mind talks this way.” Yes, you could say, “On what did you step?” but not even grammarians think you should. It sounds pedantic." This writer thinks it sounds rather highfalutin.

The Grammar Girl essentially defends prepositional ending sentences on aesthetic grounds. In regards to this, she certainly has a valid point. The writer engaged in his art wants his prose to flow with grace, as opposed to being like  choppy waters stirred up by stormy weather. One might also add that by "misplacing" the preposition at the tail end of the sentence rather than in its "rightful place preferred by grammarian purists is like putting our language in a straight jacket. Perhaps we should be like Houdini in order to escape from such rude restraints.

 
Professor Adams Sherman Hill, emeritus professor at Harvard, wrote in his book, Beginnings of Rhetoric and Composition, about another college professor informing his class that "a preposition is a bad word to end a sentence with" and in doing so, ended a sentence with the preposition "with". If he were to actually follow this "rule of syntax", the prohibition of prepositions placed in the posterior of everything else in a sentence should have been followed. He should have stated, "A preposition is a bad word with which to end a sentence". Said Hill, " but his instinct for language was stronger than his doctrine". Basically, the flow of the sentence is smoother in the one ending with that preposition than the one which does not."

Another problem of denying the preposition a place at the tail end of the sentence is that by doing so one would rob some of the dramatic from the language. Contrast "This is the ax he murdered his victims with" to "With this is the ax he murdered his victims" or "This is the ax with which he murdered his victims". The "with" posing as the caboose bringing up the rear of the sentence, being where it is placed, draws attention to the ax precisely because it is the caboose of that train. It brings to the sentence a certain "Je n'est sais quoi " to that sentence it would not otherwise have.  

In an episode of a former television series Designing Women (1986), which was set in Atlanta, one of its characters, Charlene, walks up to another woman, who is from up North and asks her "Where are ya'll from?" The other woman replies, "I'm from a place where we don't end our sentences with prepositions." She then says  in reply, "Well excuse me. Where are ya'll from, bitch?" Needless to say, that other woman got what she deserved. Correcting Charlene is just an excuse for that other woman to look down upon Charlene as one of her inferiors. This illustrates the element of snobbery in which exists in the usage of prescriptive grammar, used by the grammar police. One might even argue that perhaps this is the motive behind the grammarian gestapo who takes upon themselves the responsibility of policing the grammar of our language and imposing their own rigid standards upon it at the expense of eliminating flexibility from it.

The definition of prescriptive grammar, which is advocated by the grammarian gestapo, is that one form of a given language takes should be preferred over another form. This is clearly what Professor Cohen had meant for one to avoid the using the split infinitive in order to avoid looking "less well-educated". This also reflected the attitude of that Yankee woman in that episode of Designing Women. The prescriptive rules employed distinguishes what form of grammar should be used from what form should not be used. Overall, prescriptive grammar is mostly negative, such as "Thou shalt not split thy infinitives or place thy prepositions at the end of thy sentences." This is truly a fascist mentality. Language does not belong to the few, but rather to the many. This is in sharp contrast to descriptive grammar which is concerned about the grammar actually being used by the users of the English language.

*Variations of this story exist, such as the one making the correction is a secretary instead of an editor. As to what Churchill's retort was, that also has several variations as well.

I'm not doing nothing that Professor Cohen says.

 How Not to Write Like Professor Cohen- 
Double Negations 

As an afterthought , I am adding a few remarks on the double negative, the scourge of the English Language. This is one topic that, Professor Cohen, William Buckley, William Safire and Karen Elizabeth Gordon  stand together in opposition to. A common criticism against allowing two negatives to cohabit in one sentence is that logically they negate each other and end up rendering a negative meaning into a positive one. An example of this is thusly; "John don't know nothing." By the logic employed and sent to work deconstructing the sentence, "John don't know nothing", critics would say this means "John knows everything". Not so fast. Other languages employ the double negation without this interpretation applied. For example, in French "Je ne sais pas" means "John knows nothing." The two negations are "ne" and "pas". In English, the employment of "do" as a modal verb is similar in its usage as the French double negation, with one difference. The usage of "do" makes a sentence more emphatic in a positive sense. "John does know nothing" can be translated as "John knows absolutely nothing." The French double negation is used to make a sentence emphatic in a negative sense. In other words, John really does know nothing. 

Generally speaking, considering the low regard the double negation has, it probably should not be used on formal occasions or in formal writing. The reason for this is the users of the double negation are looked down upon as being uneducated. 

There is at least one example in the use of the double negation is totally justified, this being in the ad jingle promoting the Sara Lee brand name. "Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee" has nice flow to it and is pleasant to the ear. Converting this to "Nobody does like Sara Lee" destroys the graceful flow of that tune and would be the equivalent of the lyrics declaring war on the accompanying musical notes. The only thing left to say is; "Everybody likes Sara Lee."


Woody Allen on Life, Death, Love, Sex, Relationships, Religion & Whatever

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!

Someone once asked me if my dream was to live on in the hearts of my people, and I said I would like to live on in my apartment.

What a wonderful thing, to be conscious! I wonder what the people in New Jersey do.

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?  

Death is an acquired trait.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

The thing to remember is that each time of life has its appropriate rewards, whereas when you're dead it's hard to find the light switch. The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

I do not believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

The key is, to not think of death as an end, but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.

I was depressed…I was suicidal; as a matter of fact, I would have killed myself but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.

Where I grew up... in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide... you know, everyone was too unhappy.

I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

There's an old joke... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life — full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness — and it's all over much too quickly.

Sex and death are two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

I worked with Freud in Vienna. We broke over the concept of penis envy. He thought it should be limited to women.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said No.

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.


My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.

That sex was the most fun I've ever had without laughing.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone you love.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.


Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him “be fruitful and multiply”. But not in those words.

What's a Jewish American Princess' favorite position? Facing Tiffany's.

Have you seen the newest Jewish-American Princess horror movie? It's called, "Debbie Does Dishes."


The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that it is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is Not Now.

Raised by two mothers...wow, most of us barely survive one.

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother? Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

Why don't Jewish mothers drink? Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

I thought of that old joke: This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken.' And the doctor says, 'Well why don't you turn him in?' and the guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships. They're totally irrational and crazy and absurd, but I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs.

I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time.
She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.


I think that people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics.

Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.

Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!

Marriage is the death of hope.

It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.

Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK?
It'll be a year come April 20th.
I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday
.

Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.


The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

My ex-wife claimed she was violated. Knowing my ex-wife, it wasn’t a moving violation.

No, I don't think you're paranoid. I think you're the opposite of paranoid. I think you walk around with the insane delusion that people like you.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Tradition is the illusion of permanence.

More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

1 April 2010
MORE PSYCHO PSEUDO HEADLINES*
*In order to put these psycho pseudo headlines in context, see 19 September 2009 first.

GLENN BECK'S AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR ON FOX RAISES SUSPICION OF RABIES; BARKING IS NOT NORMAL FOR HUMANS SAYS NOTED PSYCHOLOGIST

DEATH PANEL ORDER OF EUTHANASIA FOR ANN COULTER CARRIED OUT


GLENN BECK'S RABIES CONFIRMED; IS RUMORED TO HAVE GOTTEN IT FROM THE LATE ANN COULTER
; DEATH PANEL CONSIDERING EUTHANASIA FOR HIM

SARAH PALIN STILL HIKING; TINA FEY STILL TAKING HER PLACE AS STAND-IN

GLENN BECK TO SEEK ASYLUM IN CANADA IN ORDER TO AVOID EUTHANASIA ORDERED BY DEATH PANEL

MICHELLE BACHMAN'S OFFER TO DONATE HER BRAIN TO SCIENCE REJECTED; HER LOBOTOMY CITED AS REASON

CANADA TURNS DOWN ASYLUM FOR GLENN BECK

MARK SANFORD ESCAPES FROM BERMUDA TRIANGLE; IS RUMORED TO HAVE BEEN SEEING HIS ARGENTINE MISTRESS AGAIN

GLENN BECK ESCAPES U.S. WITH HELP OF PETA TO A PLACE UNKNOWN

BIRTHER FINDS OBAMA'S TRUE BIRTH CERTIFICATE; PROVES BIRTHPLACE TO BE THE PLANET KRYPTON

JESUS CHRIST BACKS SARAH PALIN COMMENTS; ALSO WANTS YOU TO LOCK AND RELOAD

JESUS CHRIST ENDORSES NRA; WANTS YOU TO BUY AN UZI AND LOCK AND RELOAD

JESUS CHRIST BACKS GLEN BECK'S COMMENTS ON THE UNEMPLOYED; HE ALSO SAYS TO THEM "GET A JOB"

JESUS CHRIST RETURNS FOR VISIT AND PREACHES SOCIAL JUSTICE, IRKED GLENN BECK ACCUSES HIM OF BEING A SOCIALIST

JESUS CHRIST REVEALS RECENT STORIES ABOUT HIM ARE HOAXES

JESUS CHRIST ASKS SARAH PALIN, NRA AND GLEN BECK TO REPENT FOR THEIR SINS

JESUS CHRIST FORGIVES MENTALLY CHALLENGED,  LOBOTOMIZED MICHELLE BACHMAN FOR LYING


ONLY PSEUDO HEADLINES HERE

"RACHEL MADDOW FOR PRESIDENT" BANDWAGON GAINS MOMENTUM

RACHEL MADDOW GIVEN NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

RACHEL MADDOW NOMINATED FOR SAINTHOOD


Postscripts

To Saint Rachel Maddow,

Happy birthday. May it be one of many more to come.

Por vouz, ma cherie

                  
What is the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenburg? Rush is a Nazi gasbag. The Hindenburg is just a blimp.

If a guy breaks up with his girlfriend whose name is Ruth, would he suddenly become ruthless?

Is Rachel Maddow ruthless?

In order for anyone to avoid being called ruthless, should all females change their name to Ruth?

What does it mean that Rush Limbaugh participated in a walk out? When God was passing out the brains Rush did not get any because he was one of those who walked out too early.

Here's another reason why Rush has no brains. When the brains were being passed out, he thought he heard trains ans said "No thanks, I don't need any."

The suffix "er" when affixed at the end of a verb, it transfers the verb into a noun, indicating someone or something doing what was indicated by the verb. Thus one who loves is a lover and one who lives is a liver.

The 700 Club of Pat Robertson is a non-prophet ministry.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water...
(A likely story. Since when are wells found on the tops of hills?) Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. (The moral of this story is, if you want to screw around, don't do it on a top of a hill.)

WTF! Ann Coulter is still alive and she still has rabies!!


Braman


Glynn




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